Meditation – 140911

It has been quite a long time since I felt even that it was possible to meditate, but here I am in the middle of the most non-threatening environment imaginable, at least in the daytime when one can look all around and see nothing moving but a few bugs and the peaceful bobbing of this or that leaf or branch, and so some time ago I started meditating again on a small but daily scale.

Then I learned a couple of things about myself. Things I have been afraid of and didn’t know it.

At one time in my life, long long ago, I read a little quote in a church bulletin. (Then I lost it. If anyone knows this quote, please, I lived by if for years and would like to stick it up on my wall properly attributed.) Anyhow, the third point was to the effect if you want to lose your fears, you have to do the things of which you are afraid.

So I did.

I actually never did lose any of my fears, but I became accustomed to ignoring them and did many things (with the help of my friends, especially Margie, who understood the importance and didn’t baby my panic but instead helped me pack for the trips) that turned out to be highlights of my memories. Thank you Margie, for some of the highlights of my life.

So I spent much of my life being afraid until I actually got used to and for the most part ignored the feeling. I didn’t know there were still hidden pockets hiding inside. No I won’t tell you, it’s personal.

What I do want to tell you is – I meditated myself into a frenzy. I finally realized the frenzy was just the same-old, same-old. One more thing to be afraid of, and it’s a LOT better to know it’s there than to go around not doing important things for fear of activating it. And then meditation became almost pleasant, probably until the next time, but for now, every morning with the sun at my back, just for short periods of time, it’s very nice.

In the past, if I meditate with dedication for about half an hour, I have learned to expect the “sign.” Someone told me it was a sign. I don’t know of what. When I see a star with concentric circles of purple and gold converging upon it. I like it, but lately I don’t meditate for half an hour, so I did not expect to see the sign again.

140912-lizard-asc_1302RSsWell, yesterday I did. It was very nice and peaceful, and the first time ever that I have been meditating and didn’t want to stop. But – you are supposed to set your time and stick with it, stopping neither too soon nor too late, so I stopped on time, surfacing reluctantly, and opened my eyes to see our lady lizard sitting on a rock next to my foot. When I moved, instead of dashing off, she cocked her head and looked back up at me, and there we both sat for another ten minutes or so.

No I didn’t have a camera with me at the time, but isn’t she beautiful?

How do you suppose those stripes and spots know where they are supposed to be?

Hello Lady Lizard ☺

(You should see her babies, they are adorable.)

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